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Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Couples: A Clinician's Guide to Using Mindfulness, Values, and Schema Awareness to Rebuild Relationsh
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Relationships take work. In this much-anticipated book, best-selling author Matthew McKay and psychologist Avigail Lev present the ten most common relationship schemas, and provide an evidence-based acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) treatment protocol for professionals to help clients overcome the barriers that hold them back in their relationships.
Romantic relationships are a huge challenge for many of us, as evidenced by our high divorce rates. But what is it that causes so much pain and discord in many relationships? In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Couples, Matthew McKay and Avigail Lev provide the first ACT-based treatment protocol for couples that identifies the ten most common relationship schemas—and the coping behaviors they drive—to help you guide clients through their pain and toward solutions that reflect the needs and values of the couple.
Rather than working to stop relationship schemas from being triggered or to reduce schema pain, you’ll be able to help your clients observe and name what triggers their rigid coping behaviors when their schemas are activated. And by learning new skills when they’re triggered, your clients will be able to replace avoidant and coping behaviors with values-based action for the betterment of the relationship.
By making your clients’ avoidant behavior the target of treatment— as opposed to their thoughts and beliefs—this skills-based guide provides the tools you need to help your clients change how they respond to their partner.
- Sales Rank: #208185 in Books
- Brand: Context Press
- Published on: 2017-03-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.90" h x .90" w x 7.00" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 264 pages
- Context Press
Review
“Couples play out symbolic themes that can come to dominate their lives together, such as ‘I will be abandoned’ or ‘my partner should meet all my needs.’ In this interesting combination of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and schema-focused couples work, the authors describe how to detect these themes and the pain they produce, and to change the avoidant coping strategies that rapidly turn these themes in disrupted relationships. ACT and cognitive behavioral therapists alike will feel at home inside this model, scaling their existing skills into effective couples work. A conceptual and pragmatic step forward. Highly recommended.”
—Steven C. Hayes, PhD, codeveloper of ACT
“There are no two authors in this world better equipped to marry the disciplines of ACT and schema process work than Lev and McKay. The way in which they bring their expertise to the specific challenges facing couples is nothing short of superb. When we get right down to it, couples work is difficult, and our technologies often fail us. This book is the state of the art in contextual behavioral approaches to couples therapy, and it should be on every therapist’s bookshelf, regardless of their theoretical stance.”
—Dennis Tirch, PhD, coauthor of The ACT Practitioner’s Guide to the Science of Compassion, and founder of The Center for Compassion Focused Therapy
“This book elegantly combines the strengths of ACT, schema therapy, and nonviolent communication in a very clear and coherent treatment approach to problems faced by couples. Reading it leaves you with the great and rare feeling of knowing what to do, and the confidence that it will really help your clients.”
—Matthieu Villatte, PhD, coauthor of Mastering the Clinical Conversation
“This is the ACT textbook we needed to have! A comprehensive and ever-so-practical guide to helping couples overcome their problems and build rich, intimate relationships. I especially like the way schemas are incorporated to fast-track defusion, acceptance, and self-awareness. Packed full of tools, techniques, exercises, and transcripts of therapy sessions, this excellent resource is a must for any ACT therapist who works with couples. And as a bonus, it’ll give you a lot of great ideas for improving your own relationships. If you want to help couples stop struggling and start loving, this book is for you.”
—Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap and ACT Made Simple
“Lev and McKay weave together their collective expertise in schema therapy, couples therapy, and ACT to bring us this much needed ACT-for-couples therapist guide. Whether you are new to schema work or ACT, or are a seasoned veteran, this well-organized, easy-to-follow book will be a valuable addition to your therapy bookshelf. Replete with sample dialogue and experiential practices, this is a must-have for any clinician who works with couples or with individuals in relationships—so basically all of us!”
—Jill Stoddard, PhD, coauthor of The Big Book of ACT Metaphors
“This book for practitioners beautifully synthesizes two distinctive therapy traditions, schema-focused therapy (SFT) and ACT, into a powerful step-by-step approach to couples therapy. Key SFT and ACT concepts and associated intervention strategies are presented in an easy-to-read, practical style. The authors present numerous highly revealing in-session dialogues designed to demonstrate each step of their novel treatment approach. Conducting effective couples therapy is a demanding enterprise; this book will materially increase your clinical skills and help you improve the lives of couples in distress.”
—Kirk Strosahl, PhD, cofounder of ACT, and coauthor of Inside This Moment and Brief Interventions for Radical Change
“As a compassion-focused (CFT) therapist, I was thrilled to see Avigail Lev and Matthew McKay’s clear and crisply written application of ACT to couples therapy. This excellent melding of schema therapy and ACT provides a compassionate and inherently de-shaming context for working with the tricky and acutely painful ways that attachment dynamics can wreak havoc in couple relationships. In their empirically supported approach, the authors guide clinicians in identifying problematic attachment-related schemas, and then in using the technology of ACT to help couples develop mindfulness, reduce experiential avoidance, improve perspective-taking, and address the barriers to values-based action so that they can build better relationships and happier lives.”
—Russell Kolts, PhD, professor of psychology at Eastern Washington University, and author of CFT Made Simple and The Compassionate-Mind Guide to Managing Your Anger
“This book successfully combines ACT with a schema-based approach to treating couples. The advantage of a schema formulation for therapists is that it clearly establishes a focus for treatment. It helps therapists identify schemas that underlie many conflicts, and use acceptance and emotion exposure techniques to facilitate distress tolerance. Therapists learn extremely useful strategies to help their couple clients face—rather than run away from—old unavoidable thoughts and feelings, and focus on shared values as an alternative to experiential avoidance. This well-written book uses simple, straightforward, accessible language, and does not require any prerequisite knowledge of ACT or schema therapy. With its many worksheets, exercises, and sample dialogues, this book is a great resource for any therapist who wants to help clients lead a less conflictual, richer, and more fulfilling life.”
—Georg H. Eifert, PhD, professor emeritus of psychology at Chapman University, and coauthor of The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety
“This book is a valuable resource for any ACT or schema-focused therapists working with couples. This text teaches how to effectively recognize and address maladaptive patterns and interpersonal styles in couples therapy, and offers a variety of clear and applicable examples, exercises, and worksheets. The authors seamlessly weave together schema therapy and ACT for couples in a meaningful way that is accessible and enriching for clinicians both new and experienced in this work. This book is bound to be an appreciated addition to any therapist looking to deepen their ACT or schema-focused couples therapy.”
—Laura Silberstein-Tirch, PsyD, director at The Center for Compassion Focused Therapy; adjunct assistant professor at Albert Einstein College of Medicine; president-elect of the ACBS New York City Chapter; consulting psychologist at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center; and executive director of The Compassionate Mind Foundation USA
“One of the greatest assets a couples therapist can provide to a couple in distress is a clear, accepting, honest description of the different perspectives and experiences each member of the couple brings to a conflict. On this foundation of perspective taking, couples can begin to hear each other, connect again, and eventually move forward together. Schema therapy offers great insight into the range of perspectives and experiences a person might bring to conflict—the schema formulations have withstood the tests of time, clinical practice, and clinical trials. In turn, the core processes of ACT center on relating to such experiences—in ourselves and others—in flexible and values-based ways. By melding the insights of schema therapy with the processes of ACT, Lev and McKay offer clinicians and their clients a clear, practical framework for understanding what is happening in the heat of conflict, and beginning to build bridges of understanding and acceptance. This is a wonderfully useful, readable guide that every couples therapist (or therapist who works with people in relationships) will find to be of immediate and enduring value.”
—Gareth Holman, PhD, psychologist in private practice; lead author of Functional Analytic�Psychotherapy Made Simple; and founding partner of OpenTeam, a consulting firm dedicated to helping business teams apply the science of psychological flexibility to communicate and collaborate more effectively towards purpose
About the Author
Avigail Lev, PsyD, is a psychotherapist and executive coach in San Francisco, CA. She works with couples and individuals who struggle with interpersonal problems, anxiety, trauma, and mood disorders. Lev specializes in integrating acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and schema therapy to strengthen relationships. She is coauthor of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Interpersonal Problems and The Interpersonal Problems Workbook. Lev presents her research at regional and international conferences, and provides consultation, trainings, and workshops on utilizing evidence-based treatments. For more information, visit www.bayareacbtcenter.com.
Matthew McKay, PhD, is a professor at the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA. He has authored and coauthored numerous books, including The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook, Self-Esteem, Thoughts and Feelings, When Anger Hurts, and ACT on Life Not on Anger. He has also penned two novels: Us and Wawona Hotel. McKay received his PhD in clinical psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology, and specializes in the cognitive behavioral treatment of anxiety and depression. He lives and works in the greater San Francisco Bay Area.
Foreword writer Robyn D. Walser, PhD, is associate director of the National Center for PTSD Dissemination and Training Division, and associate clinical professor in the department of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. As a licensed clinical psychologist, she maintains an international training, consulting, and therapy practice. Walser is developing innovative ways to translate science into practice, and is responsible for the dissemination of state-of-the-art knowledge and treatment interventions. Walser has coauthored three books, including Learning ACT, The Mindful Couple, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for the Treatment of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Trauma-Related Problems.
Most helpful customer reviews
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Helpful source
By Kendra Ellis
Most people see someone with a "therapy for couples" book or something similar and think, "Oh, their relationship must be in trouble." Although that is not always the case. It is certainly not the case with my relationship but I believe in strengthening before there is a problem rather than after. Personally in my opinion we have a healthy relationship. We spend quality time together and do communicate well but people have to realize not everything will be "perfect" in their relationship.
I actually do end up seeing a lot of good relationships end because someone doesn't think its how it should be. Most people don't realize that just because you spend quality time together and communicate well you will still fight. Its getting through the fights that help strengthen you. Nothing can be perfect for we in ourselves are imperfect. Id say be worried if you have no fights at all but also watch out for fighting to often. With my relationship we have had big fights and small fights but we have gotten through all that has come our way. Everyday we grow stronger and stronger together and I believe that's what people need to realize. Also don't get me wrong some fights can be avoided but not all.
This book will not "fix" your relationship. It wont "protect" you from 100% of the fights but you can very much use it as a guide and helpful source.
I do recommend this book because it is an interesting read. Some people will take something away from this and others may not. Either way it is a helpful source.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
A different way in solving relationship issues
By Dream16
Being in a romantic relationship can be one of the most challenging things to deal with. We long for love and companionship, and with those comes hurtful feelings that we sometimes can't control.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy For Couples, authors Avigail Lev and Mathew McKay discuss a very important topic on how to help deal with these bad feelings between partners. They write about schemas, a bad feeling that arises once triggered. A schema is a feeling that's left inside of you from a different period of your life. Those feelings rise up when you feel afraid or lonely or most commonly...angry.
This couples therapy guide tells you that schemas are unavoidable, but can be dealt with, and teaches you step by step just how to control those feelings. Many schemas are brought on by childhood experiences, we have no choice but to react with how we are familiar with. In this book there are plenty of examples that show you exactly what I mean. The authors have added short scenarios of how a person's schema effects their relationship with their spouse.
This book was extremely helpful to me. I felt that I learned a different way to view the issues in my marriage. I now know that I carry a few schemas myself, and that they are the source of a lot of arguments. I deeply encourage anyone with relationship struggles to read this book. I'm sure it will help you understand why you might be having problems in the first place.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
ACT for relationships
By Amazon Customer
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Couples is an informative read. It never occurred to me that ACT therapy can apply to relationships as well. I learned about schemas. I never heard about that before. Anyone in a relationship can learn something from this book. However, be prepared to do some work to see improvements in your relationship by using this method. There are a number of different forms for each partner in the relationship. These forms help get to the core of each person's schemas and much more. I noticed that some of the links did not work. But it does bring you to the general website. I would recommend doing this book over time because there is so much information to absorb. If you can get the links to work, I would recommend printing out the pages. You can always just do it online too. Plus, it can feel overwhelming if you try to do it all at once. It might even help to read the book or parts of the book more than once. I know I had to go back and reread some sections. The authors of the book clearly show their expertise in the pages. This is not a relationship book created by someone without career and educational experience. If you feel stuck or want additional help, there are ACT professionals out there to help your relationship.
I feel like some people might need more help than just this book. However, the book is a great tool.
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